Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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