Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
