So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I die, sorry about rent.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
