she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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