ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
