pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
