I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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