The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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