I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
