so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
