What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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