i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
