dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
