she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
