Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
