at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize