handjob tips. give me some.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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