I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think your dad took our porno
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
