Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
