he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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