my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize