im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
