So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
