By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
