cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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