If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
