I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize