Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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