I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize