i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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