Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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