1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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