dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
