and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
