so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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