I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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