sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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