i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize