You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize