I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
