You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
