the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
