I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
