Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize