This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
