ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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