remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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