You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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