well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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