I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
