we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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