It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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