You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I supernannyed him into submission
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize