fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
