i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize