I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
