My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
