Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
