remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
